i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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