come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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