he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
420 ftw
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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