I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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