I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
