i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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