So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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