How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
