It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
