I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
