I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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