Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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