you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
