I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i think i just lost a toe
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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