woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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