We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
