I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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