Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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