so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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