Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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