I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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