The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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