I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
