I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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