we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Houston, we have a squirter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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