Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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