do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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