Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
