theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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