Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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