There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
