I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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