i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize