Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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