3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
