...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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