i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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