If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
