Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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