i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
