i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
