I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
