Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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