Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
