I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize