he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
