I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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