Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
