I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
