My cat gives me a boner
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
