summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
