i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize