I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
