Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
