oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She said her name was "party"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
