8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
