Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
