The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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