Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
