So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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