OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
