She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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