PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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