i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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