So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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