So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
