I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
