we're blogging at a bar
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
