So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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