Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize